


Yours for five low payments of 29.99

by eggyeggplant



Series: Versvember [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bottom Lance (Voltron), Come Eating, Food, Food Porn, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn Star Keith (Voltron), Porn Star Lance (Voltron), Top Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggyeggplant/pseuds/eggyeggplant
Summary: Versvember Day 2 “Let’s Make A Video” + Food KinkLance and Keith are professional porn stars. Lance is not a professional blender salesperson, but the script is not so bad.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: Versvember [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024348
Comments: 9
Kudos: 114





	Yours for five low payments of 29.99

**Author's Note:**

> Originally this was titled “This pan is heat absorbent” because what if Lance was pansexual that would be cool too and like he can bring the heat and take it because Lance is so smexyyyy ayyy. Then I realized for the setup I was going for, having an open flame or heated machinery in general would probably be like a huge liability and it’s always better to be a little safe than not. I've absolutely based this on my love for the Vitamix. Also i'm pretty sure there is a genre for these kind of videos but I don't know what it is.

Not to say that Lance hasn’t done many weird things in his career as a porn star, but pretending to sell blenders while pretending like he’s not getting fucked to the seventh circle of heaven or hell is something he hasn’t tried before. He would never say he’s not down to try something new, but there’s a reason why he left his part-time day job—to have the opportunity of getting his legs oiled up by another person twice a week and getting paid to have sex. He’s almost tempted to say ‘Welcome to Jamba’ when he sees the setup, but there’s really not much to it.

The scene starts with Lance in front of a stainless-steel table, a blender on the side and various pre-cut food items in front of him. The full-body camera shows that Lance is definitely only wearing a small pair of black briefs with a generic blue polo shirt. “Have you ever tried to make a smoothie before, and it comes out lumpy? I absolutely hate that, and I’m sure you do too.” Lance’s main co-star comes in the form of tall, dark, and handsome wearing only a tattoo sleeve and black shirt. Lance has worked with Keith before, and his body absolutely remembers Keith as well. Lance is absolutely tempted to look at the goods his co-star is packing, but his job is to just pretend like Keith doesn’t exist.

Keith starts by palming Lance’s ass, slipping the briefs down Lance’s legs and helping Lance step out of them while Lance says with a straight face, “Well, the Bi-boh Blender blows away all the competition by far and they do that with---they do that with stampede technology, five out of five Kaltenecker points.”

Keith spreads Lance’s legs apart diving his head between Lance ass and immediately starts eating him out like there isn’t literally food on the table. Lance’s eyes get a little glossy as he fiddles with the placement of the little bowls and struggles to remember his lines. “The Bi-boh Blender can grind nuts, seeds, and even ice with a minimal amount of water. Prepare to be _fuck, fuckingggg_ amazed by the power of stampede technology for your everyday needs.” Feeling like maybe Lance is being a little too coherent, Keith adds two additional fingers at once (knowing full well Lance had been prepped beforehand by handlers.)

“Let’s start with breakfast smoothies, everyone loves a good fruity smoothie for breakfast. The Bi-boh Breakfast Book is 10.99, but it comes f-free with your purchase today! For only five low payments of 29.99 you can get the Bi-Boh Blender and Bi-boh Breakfast Book.” Keith stands up, lining himself up behind Lance and pressing inside. Keith makes sure the audio catches every obscene squelch as Lance tries putting in all his fruit without spilling all over the counter.

“You don’t need too much honey because all the fruits are naturally sweet,” Lance says, going to pick up the small bowl. Keith impulsively dips his fingers into the bowl and presses his fingers to Lance’s lips. Lance’s mouth automatically drops open, trying to suck off as much syrupy sugar from Keith’s fat fingers as possible without drooling over everything (he drools a massive amount, it’s stringy and dribbly and looks extra obscene enough for it to be the thumbnail for the video.)

“You don’t need any—probably any honey at all,” Lance says, trying to catch his breath. Forgoing the spoon, Lance scoops a handful of yogurt and puts it straight in the blender. “Set it to medium for fifteen seconds, that’s all you need.” The blender whirrs for a few seconds and Lance turns it off around the same time Keith pulls out. Lance opens the lid, pouring the smoothie into a small cup and setting the dirty blender to the side. Keith picks up the smoothie, makes sure the camera sees his come spilling over the top and sets it back in front of Lance. Although Keith is supposed to be a non-existent entity, the subtle smirk on his face is entirely visible.

Lance ignores Keith, instead showing the camera that all it takes to clean the blender is just a little bit of soapy water and pulsing the blender on high for three intervals of five seconds. He dumps the soapy water into a designated bowl and repeats with just water for a second rinse. Lance shows off the cleaned blender, “for only five low payments of 29.99 you can get the Bi-Boh Blender and Bi-boh Breakfast Book. If you order within the next thirty minutes, we’ll also throw in a bottle of Bi-boh Blender Cleaner. This offer expires fast!”

“Mmm, now let’s try this delicious smoothie!” Lance picks up the cup, wiping the rim with his finger and licking the excess come off. “Cheers!” Lance takes a big gulp, downing half on one go. Lance motions to set the cup down but Keith reaches between their bodies and holds the cup to Lance’s lips to make sure Lance finishes the entire cup before it gets set down.

“You will definitely have a good day if that’s how you start all your mornings,” Lance says, “and for a limited time, you can get all three products for the price of one at five low payments of 29.99.”

-

“Now I know you’re wondering, what else can you do with the Bi-Boh Blender? I’m going to show you right now, because after such a great breakfast, I’m sure you’re thinking about what’s for lunch.” Keith sneaks his hands up Lance’s shirt, tweaking the cute brown nubs with Lance’s soft stomach on display.

“Peanut—peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are a cult favorite! Mmm _fuck_ —they are _sooooo good_ , so fucking good with some milk. Serve them to your kids, bring them to work, and save so much money. Bring your game up a level by making your own peanut butter in a Bi-boh Blender!” Lance throws in a pre-measured cup of peanuts and starts the blender. Keith’s hands travel lower, smoothening over Lance’s hard dick that hasn’t had the come yet. Keith squeezes the head, getting his hands all sticky and messy.

“You may think, that’s not a _fuck fuck fuckkkkkking_ food processor! How are you making peanut butter in a blender? Well, the answer to that is—the answer is the power of stampede technology. How does that work? You’ll notice that the plug is three-pronged for extra conductivity to your outlet. Scientists and engineers have approved of the safety and durability of this powerful machine.” A hand off-screen slides a bullet vibrator to Keith, and the stupid motherfucker has the audacity to say ‘hell yeah’ under his breath during Lance’s monologue.

Keith disappears under the table (where everyone can still totally see him) and teases the vibrator over Lance’s thighs, the base of his balls, and the tip of his cock. Lance squeezes his legs together, probably not the best time to admit to himself that he’s mildly ticklish. Eventually, Keith slips the vibrator up Lance’s ass and turns the vibrator on high. “You will never have to worry about messy cleanups ever again, the Bi-Boh Blender is only made of three parts and the blending attachment is dish—dishwasher safe. This blender is so fast, nothing ever sticks to it anyways! Whisk your omelet eggs in ten seconds, make salsa in five, and save yourself time and money!”

Keith returns to his position behind Lance, gripping Lance’s ass between his fingers and admiring the fat of it filling his hands before slapping Lance’s fat ass loudly. For the sake of being a non-existent entity, Keith doesn’t count out the hits, but he knows Lance is thinking of each sting coupled with the feeling of the vibrations. ““D-delicious, _soooo delicious_. _Fuck that is some good_ —good peanut butter.” Lance’s eyes flutter as his mouth drops open in a silent whine as he comes all over his stomach. Keith—the fucking _ass_ —wipes it up with the bread that’s supposed to be used for Lance’s sandwich and sets it back on the table.

Lance’s hands tremble as he struggles to spread his homemade peanut butter over a slice of the sogged bread. For the sake of safety, the producers gave him a dull butter knife and Lance thinks that he one hundred percent would have nicked his fingers by now if they hadn’t.

Lance spreads some jelly on the other slice of bread and sticks them together. Lance takes a generous bite of his sandwich as Keith slips the vibrator out from ass and tosses it on top of the table. The table buzzes loudly while Lance says, “For the next fifteen minutes, the Bi-boh Blender, Bi-Boh Breakfast Book, and the Bi-boh Blender Cleaner can be yours for just five—for just five low payments of 29.99. Call now, you won’t regret it!”

-

“Okay, and now you’re thinking about dinner, obviously. Who doesn’t think about dinner all the time? Here’s a pro-tip for you, these blenders are powerful enough to make soup. You heard it right, I’m not kidding. You can make soup in these blenders! For the sake of time, I’ll be making some gazpacho but if you want hot soup, just blend it for a few extra minutes and it will naturally become hot!”

Someone brings Keith a chair, and Keith uses that opportunity to literally step up and stick his dick in Lance’s face. Keith’s dick slips over Lance’s cheek and chin while Lance says, with a medium amount of difficulty, “The Bi-boh Blender will make your soups so silky smooth and well incorporated. You don’t have to worry about if your ingredients are cut all the same size because the Bi-boh Blender does all the hard work for you.”

Lance puts in all his ingredients, closing one eye as Keith dickishly swabs his cock all over his face. “Thirty seconds on high is all you need to make a good soup in a Bi-boh Blender,” Lance says. As soon as the machine starts blending, Keith slips his dick into Lance’s mouth sideways so the camera can see the way Lance’s cheek bulge obscenely. Lance keeps his eyes focused on the camera, but Keith is doing the most to make his presence known.

Keith grips the hair at the back of Lance’s head, turning Lance’s face and slipping his dick far enough to get Lance gagging a bit. Keith holds Lance’s head there for a few more seconds before releasing. Lance coughs, takes shuddering breathes and secretly revels in the way Keith looks at him intently for any sign of real discomfort. Lance turns off the blender and pours it into a nice-looking bowl and garnishing it with a little bit of color. Keith taps his dick against Lance’s cheek, dragging it up Lance’s temple and debating how grumpy Lance will be if he comes in Lance’s ear. Keith comes all over Lance’s eyebrows instead, smearing it over Lance’s perfect nose and letting it drip down his chin.

Keith steps off the chair, taking a sip of the soup himself while Lance smacks his lips and says, for probably the twentieth time that day, “And all these can be yours for five low payments of 29.99!”

-

The producers have something very special up their sleeve for the dessert course and Lance is not sure if he likes it or not. His hair is a mess, and his face is entirely more debauched than it usually is. The makeup artist has been instructed not to assist and will not let him do a touch up because it’s part of the charm. The embarrassment is too real, but also, it’s hot in an unreal way that is nothing like orgies—because at least then it’s just a huge meat-fest.

“You can’t finish dinner without dessert, and for this special segment, we have a special guest. Please welcome James Griffin, who is a long-time Bi-boh Blender happy customer!” Lance claps, hoping no one can see how sarcastically he’s doing it. For all of James’ handsomeness, he’s also the most prudish straight guy doing gay porn kind of guy that has ever existed. The reason being: James’ dick is a bit on the smaller side for regular straight porn, but gay people will eat that shit up. James hates it so much, and he makes everyone else that works with him also hate him, which is why he probably only gets the roles he hates.

James walks into frame wearing a pair of khaki slacks, striped Ralph Lauren tee, and pastel cardigan artfully draped over his shoulders like a middle-aged golfer trapped in a frat boy. Lance has absolutely no doubt that everything actually did come from James’ actual closet. Keith also hates James, finding it extremely difficult not to roll his eyes at the way James waves at Lance and thanks him for the invite. The original script was to shake Lance’s hand, knowing full well there was probably some semen residue.

“Can you tell us what is one of your favorite recipes to try with the Bi-boh Blender?”

James starts his rehearsed speech, “Yes, I love ice cream, but it is so high in calories and you can’t control it when you go to the supermarket. With my Bi-boh Blender, I can make a healthy and delicious dessert whenever I want.” Keith slicks his fat cock up, staring at James the entire time as he holds one of Lance’s leg up by the knee and slides his cock in. Lance has to hop a little and steady his hand on the table. James eyes waiver as he struggles to keep his head up and pretend like nothing’s happening.

“How do you make low-calorie ice cream? Is a delicious low-calorie ice cream even possible?”

“Yes, it is now with the Bi-boh Blender. For just five low payments of 29.99, I’ve been able to save hundreds of dollars and my body is also thanking me for it too!” James approaches closer to the table and Keith’s response is to slide his hand further up Lance’s leg so that Lance nearly kicks James before extending his leg into a standing split. James’s brain breaks a little and Lance totally understands he has that effect on people.

“You need strawberries, cream, ice, and some agave sweetener. Granulated white sugar or high fructose corn syrup is not as good for you, using a Bi-boh Blender helps you avoid those unnecessary ingredients. I also add two tablespoons of protein powder as a personal preference.” James adds the ingredients while Lance takes the opportunity to mewl lewdly. James turns almost a shade of purple trying to ignore the sound of Keith’s balls slapping into Lance.

“If you freeze the cream, you can get a thicker product in a shorter amount of time and eat it right away. You can also just make it earlier, pop it in the freezer while you have dinner, and eat it after.” Lance actually has no doubt that is what James actually does, so Keith reminds James by shoving his dick in Lance so hard that James gets jostled. Lance keeps one hand on the table and the other on James’ arm to stabilize himself. James stands stalk still as Keith comes for the third time in their shoot, truly a professional. Keith fucks the come into Lance and when he finally pulls out, fingers Lance until he’s coming again, convulsing against Keith’s body. James scoops the ice cream into a dessert bowl, topping with a careful amount of whipped cream.

Keith grabs the cream with his fist and sticks it in Lance’s mouth. James can’t help the way he recoils slightly as Lance moans and laps up Keith’s fingers. “ _Mmmm_ , for just five low payments of 29.99, you can make this recipe too. Thanks for joining me today James, it was great having you.”

“My pleasure,” James says sourly, walking off the set.

“Pick up your credit card now and dial in to 1-800-BIBOHBI while supplies last!”


End file.
